Iwan and I are now together for 9 years! We are looking forward to 2017, when we will be celebrating our first decade of togetherness. So today I’d like to share my tips for (getting) a long lasting relationship with you. A friend of mine who was unfortunate to break up with her boyfriend only one day before Valentine’s Day told me that Iwan and I are her dream couple among her friends and has inspired me to write this post.
Believe in true love and commitment
You have to believe in happily ever after. Love comes to those who believe. My whole life I dreamed of this one special guy and that our love will last till death tears us apart. It breaks my heart that this has become something rare nowadays. Couple break up because of the stupidest things instead of fighting for each other. To go seperate ways was never an option for me or Iwan and of course we had bad and hard times too. Being in a relationship ain’t easy all the time and you cannot have butterflies in your stomach 24/7. But you know that you belong to each other no matter what! This is what commitment is about. Commitment also means from my point of view to be faithful and not to screw it up with a deal breaker. Therefor define the no go’s in your relationship from the very start. Shared values and a common view on world are the key for a happy connection.
Honesty is necessary
You cannot build a good and longlasting relationship without honesty. The reason why my bestie split up with her boyfriend is that he wasn’t real from the beginning on. He lied about his age (he’s one decade older than he said he is and she found it out by accident!), what definitely is a breach of trust. Sure you can use a white lie when you have spend once too much money on shopping (we may all agree on this: dear lord, don’t let my hubby be at home when my online orders arrive) but also that should ‘t happen too often. I have no secrets from my hubby, we talk openly about everything and we don’t hide anything from each other! We trust each other completely. (We even have access to each others fb and mail accounts.) Without trust there’s no need to maintain a relationship.
The issue with proud & compromises and communication
You’ll read everywhere how much respect is important for a longlasting relationship and indeed it is! But to be honest there’s no way that there won’t be a situation or a fight when your partner will say or even do anything that will hurt you deeply. Before ending the relationship rather talk openly to your partner few days later when you both have calmed. Tell him/her that he/she did not treat you right and that this disrespectful behaviour hurted you. Sometimes you just have to forget your pride. Just forget your ego and work things out instead of walking away! No one is perfect. We are all human beings and do mistakes from time to time. People tend to say really mean things on purpose when they are mad. So just talk to each other.
Routine – the ultimate love killer
Of course your relationship will change with years. Hopefully you will overcome all obstacles, but be aware of the following risk. Your everyday life follows a certain routine and that is in my view the love killer number one. I have seen that several times among my friends. Most of them broke up after six, seven or ten years. Unless you are lucky like Iwan and I to have different working hours and so time to miss each other you may get stucked into routine. Like we all need a good work-life-balance, we need a good balance in our love live too. When I heard for the first time that Brangelina do have every Wednesday a date night, I though how silly. After years in a long-term relationship I can say that this is a great idea. You just have to take time for each other and to keep the romance alive and the glue too.
How about you? What are your secrets to a long-term relationship?