What I learned about friendships

by Ivana
heart with a block heart background
heart with a block

Today I’d like to talk about friendships. If you remember my post Bye bye 2015, Hello 2016, you know that I’ve been through a lot last year! For my newer readers, we lost three family members and I almost died too. No matter how hard this time has been, the good part of it was, that I learned a lot about my relations and especially about friendships. Friends are kind of the family we choose. So I think it´s really important to be surrounded by real friends.

For better or for worse
I learned this lesson the hard way. You feel betrayed when you go through a rough patch and your so called friends are not there when you need them the most. So going through the hardest time ever and dealing with disapointments instead of having people around I trusted all the years let me overthing everything. Is someone a friend living in the same street as you but did not visit you once after you have almost died? No. A real friend is someone who runs into the hospital to be by your side. Is someone a friend who have never called or messaged you during this period or helped you in any way? Someone who just disappears after learning what happened is not a friend at all. In my case, I learned that I had too many people in my life who were just there in good times. But a real friend isn’t someone who just meets you and want to be surrounded by you when everything is perfect in your life. A true friend is someone who is there for your in good and in bad times. Last week I celebrated birthday, my first after the tragedy last year, so it was really funny for me to see people texting and calling me who haven’t contacted me once after my loss last year. It is funny that people thing they can skip this period of my life and we will continue as the same old friends we’ve been before. I moved on. I don’t want anyone back of them in my life. Time is too precious to be wasted on the wrong people. Thanks god new people came in my life. Friends who are there in good and in bad times. Don´t close your heart! No matter how often or how deep people have hurt you, always believe that out there are also great people and that you will meet them soon. You can find new friends in the most unlikely of places. Suddenly it clicks. Today I am blessed! I have such amazing friendships. It’s also important to say, that also someone who is just there for you in bad times and is not able to take your happiness ain’t a friend too. You don’t want people who take out strenght of your pain and walk out of your life as soon as you feel better. So always remember, a real friend is someone you share life´s hardest and best times with.

Prove before you open your heart
In the past I’d say I was very naive. I did not select who I’ll let in my life and in my heart. Why? I always though that people are not perfect but that they are goodhearted. No, I learned that badhearted ones really exist. Today I think it is important to get to know a person a little bit better before letting him/her become a part of your life.

Quality over quantity
You don’t have to have hundreds of friends. A wise old women said to me years ago “real friends are rare and can be counted on the fingers of one hand”. I totally agree.

Surround yourself with people who are able to communicate. Of course, disagreements or misunderstandings happen in relationships, but it’s important to be able to talk about everything in order to overcome the obstacles. Now I avoid people who do not embrace communication. I don’t like when someone is angry and does not talk to you and does not tell you what´s going on. That´s gutless. Life is so much easier when you have friends with whom you can talk everything out.

Distance doesn´t change anything
People come and people go, that´s nothing new. But real friends stay forever, no matter where on this planet they do live. One 0f my closest friends lives currently in London. Before she lived 4 years in Germany and as a student she left Austria twice, once for a semester abroad and once to do a traineeship abroad. How this has effected our relationship? Not at all. Thanks to what´s app, viber and e-mails we communicate almost every day.

What are the lessons you learned so far when it comes to friendships?